Title: Love Entries (part 2)

Companion to: 'Dear Book 2' ~ by My Tigger

Series: Learning From the Book of Love

Author: Scarlet

Rated: R- angst

~*~

Okay Diary,

I’m back, sorry about that… so where was I? Oh yeah- I slept with Luc and told Tigger in a note....

So the next day I wrote my prince a little note letting him know how much I loved him and how wonderful our night together was. After four days of not hearing or seeing him, I was totally out of my mind, thinking that he’d used me, that he didn’t love me... you name it. If it was bad, I thought it.

Like I said, I was so scared that I couldn’t trust him or anyone else. So what did I do?

Well, besides lay in bed all day and carry on, I listened to my primary and retreated to the cabin so I could take some time and think about things. Now, I had planned on going up alone but I didn’t. Sully came with me. He held me, loved me and told me everything would be alright, but he also gave me just enough space to let me see things for myself.

Then came word from my mates that the reason Luc hadn’t replied or come around was that he hadn’t even gotten the bloody email! It seems the computer ate it for a day or three. By that time, I was already up at the cabin thinking that Luc didn’t love me.

When we came back? Oh, boy, was there a mess…He was pissed at me for taking off without telling him, I was pissed at him for not writing or anything else before I left, his family was upset that I’d taken off with Sully and not one of my own mates… you name it. It was just a mess.

So we talked, me and Luc. Straightened things out, reassured ourselves and each other that our hearts were still intact. Good, right? Well, yeah… but here comes some more mayhem thrown in for good measure.

During our talk, Luc asked me if some day he could ever mean enough to be my mate.

To say I was shocked yet again was an understatement! I though the ‘I love you’ on the first date was a heart stopper. After a few minutes of catching my breath and thinking, I answered him honestly. Yes, I do think he could mean enough to be my mate- someday.

That night I invited him to spend the night at the Bahamas house in the family bed, just holding me and letting everyone get more used to him being around me.

Okay, are ya starting to see my dilemma yet? Hope so… so yeah, I’m in love with what? Six guys, now…? And the newest of my loves wants what I’ve wanted for so long with Sully…

At first I didn’t tell Tigger for fear of what he’d say or do. Not that Sully would really do anything that would hurt Luc, but still... I didn’t want to take the chance.

I said something in passing to my sister about it, but that was about it. As time went on I grew to resent her without even knowing it. Remember how I said she’d bitten Wolfe? Yeah… you got it. Jealousy reared its ugly little head one night. And boy, she wasn’t pretty…

One night a little over a week after my talk with Luc, Tis and I were alone in the house. The boys and twins were all out at Jes’s place that night, just like they had been for more than a week– plotting, planning and scheming like they always do.

I was in a pissy mood. Inside, I was majorly twisted and turned. I knew I had to tell Sully everything that Luc and I had talked about, and I also knew that he wouldn’t be happy about it. I so didn’t want him to think that Luc was or could replace him in any way, shape or form. I love Sully for Sully and Luc for Luc. Neither one of them can replace the other, no matter how hard they could try, it just wouldn’t happen.

Then comes the hurt, too… I really did want Sully to mark me. And I knew that it wasn’t possible. So that night when Tis started pushing a bit too much about why I was in such a mood, I let loose. Said some things I didn’t mean, things that never should have been said in the first place.

It ended with me grabbing a drink, storming out of the house and taking a walk down the beach, where Crimson found me a little time later. Broken, confused and scared… scared of losing everything because I wanted more.

Gods, even now... looking back on all of this is confusing…. Argghhh….. I’m not even sure I know how to explain this. I love them both so much. I don’t ever want to lose them.

The whole ‘Tis broke rule’ thing, and I couldn’t even ask for it? That had me so wound that night that it took me a few days to come back to being myself, although I still didn’t really want to talk to her that much at first. Yes, I was still jealous… sorry. It’s that human in me. And when we did talk, that wasn’t one of the things we talked about.

In fact, I basically put it out of my mind altogether, even though I knew how Tigger would react when I told him about the ‘talk’ a few days later. Oh, boy, was that ever a conversation… the one with me and Sully, I mean.

I’d been basically hiding out in my room since Tis and I fought, not wanting to be around others if at all possible. I’d come down to get myself a cup of tea and that’s when he found me. Followed me up to my room and stayed with me, holding me until I could stop crying long enough to tell him what was wrong.

At first he couldn’t understand me and didn’t know what had me so upset. All I keep telling him was that he was going to leave me if I told him and that I knew he didn’t want commitment and all kinds of nonsense like that. But finally I calmed enough to tell him.

He was hurt, a bit angry, and scared all at the same time, thinking that I was going to leave him for Luc. But after we straightened that out, we talked about us and what I wanted him to do... what I wanted us to become.

I told him that I wanted him too to be my mate someday… and that before anything with Luc went any farther, that I wanted him to mark me. So yeah, I know I was out of line telling him I wanted all this, but I had to be honest because I did want it.

And you know what? He told me it was something he wanted, too… and that we’d find a way to make all this work. All of us.

Have I driven you totally batty yet? No? Good. Cause there is still more. Like I said, it’s been a while. LOL

That night he told me he’d planned a surprise getaway for just the two of us. He wouldn’t tell me where or anything else, though. All he’d say was that I’d enjoy it and it was overnight.

The morning we were to go, we woke up bright and early and headed off to our mysterious getaway. Come to find out, it’s the same place I took Grim last fall.

The suite he booked was too much for words. When we walked in and I saw all the trouble he’d gone to, I cried… all those flowers and ribbons in pinks, white and reds, and then I walked into the bedroom and saw what he’d done in there. The whole bed was just covered with baby’s breath and irises. When I finally turned to him, I was crying. He didn’t mean it, right? It couldn’t really be happening... could it?

Then he nodded and held his arms out to me, and I knew… I knew it wasn’t all a dream.

We stood there for a little while, just holding one another and letting it all sink in. Gods, I don’t think I’d even been happier in all my life. I’d wanted this for so long, I’d actually stopped believing it would ever happen.

But before we did this, there was one thing I wanted to show him first. Some place that I’d found when Crimson and I were here. It was perfect for what I wanted to give my Tigger…

You see, back a long time ago I bought him something that I’d never had the courage to give him, but I thought maybe it was time. When he’d said we were going away after all the mayhem that had been going on, I decided that he needed to know that... even if things never went as we’d both have liked between us in the sense of marking or mating, that he was still very important to me. So I packed it.

After telling him that I wanted to show him the resort a little first, we changed in to our bathing suits. And yes, I packed his favorite- the teeny tiny black and white thong one. LOL Yeah, I know I’m whipped. But hey, at least it’s in a good way…

So we changed and I grabbed my little gift to him, slipping it on my thumb as we left the room, and we headed out to the beach. Down on the very edge of the resort, where the reef meets the rocky shore, there is this little cove and all you can see for miles is bright blue sea. It’s amazing. So that’s where we went.

Taking his hands in mine, I told him just how much he meant to me. Then I slipped the titanium band from my thumb. "I’ve had this for a long time, Tigger," I told him, "And I’ve been waiting for the right time to give it to you…" I slid the ring onto the middle finger of his left hand. "I think this is it. I love you with all my heart. I always have and I always will... and no matter who else comes into my life, I want you to know that you are always a very large part of it. Always."

Yes, I really am that big of a sap. I remember it word for word. LOL

Anyways, there is more but right now I have to go again… some one’s knocking on the bedroom door.

Later,

~Me

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